What an IDIOT!

Strap on your seat belts...this is going to be a long ride! 

I am going to have to break this up into more than one posting because it will be entirely too long to put into one.  This way it will be easier to skip over the parts you don't want to read.  :)

I am going to do my best to catch everyone up from day 1 of Rylee's arrival into the Betts' family.  It has been a long journey so I might very well leave something out.  So if it is confusing and I need to clarify please do not hesitate to ask me anything.  I am an open book.  Well, I am now.  This is something I need to work on (letting people in on how I am really doing).  Thanks to my big sis Kimber and a couple other people I have realized it is OK to respond to peoples questions with. "No, I am not OK and here is why...) I guess the rambling has already started.  Let me get to the topic at hand.  Alright, here goes nothing...

I will begin by letting everyone know how I arrived at the hospital 29 weeks into my pregnancy.  And for those of you who are counting that is 11 weeks before I was due.  It began with a night out with one of my closest friends Michelle.  It was the first night of my entire pregnancy that I felt good enough to leave the house for anything other than work.  We went out to eat and then to a play at The Vex.  It was a wonderful evening.  I was really enjoying myself.  We met up with Jim, my husband, and Ryan, her husband, at their house.  It was about ten o'clock in the evening and to every one's surprise I was not tired nor was I ready to go home.  I was thoroughly enjoying my conversation and company with Michelle.  Jim offered to take me home but I declined.  Jim was surprised because I was in bed and asleep by nine o'clock every evening during my pregnancy.  This should have been a red flag that something might be wrong but I just thought that I was finally going to get to enjoy pregnancy like everyone else I knew.  This was something Jim and I had wanted for 8 years and I wanted to enjoy it damn it.  :)

But anyways...So now it was about two in the morning, yes two in the morning,  and we were hanging outside in the driveway talking.  The men were smoking cigars and the girls were laughing and making fun of the boys.  A typical night at the best friends house (ha!).  I was actually starting to get tired so I started giving Jim the cues.  Standing up, walking around, then sitting down! Standing up, walking around, then sitting down! Standing up, walking around, then sitting down! Then I was standing next to the car in the driveway and all of a sudden i feel something wet in my pants.  Really?  Did I just pee my pants?  I know pregnant women have bladder issues but this is ridiculous!!!  At this point I was embarrassed.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want to scream from the rooftops, "Hey everyone, I just peed my pants!".  So I did the only thing my crazy pregnant brain could think of to do; I sat down.  All I could think of was it was dark outside and I was wearing dark pants.  No one would be able to tell.  After all, Jim was happy that we weren't leaving so no one would notice that I was sitting on the concrete having an anxiety attack and dying from embarrassment.   

So I decided then, 15 minutes later, to call Jim over to me.  He knelt down I whispered in his ear that I had emptied my bladder all over myself.  He just looked at me and said, "Seriously?".  I am sure at that point he really didn't know what to say.  I looked at him longing for him to whip me up into his arms and take me away from this embarrassment.  But all he did was just look at me.  Really, what else could he do.  Then I decided to make it worse for myself.

Loud enough for everyone to hear I ask Jim to get me a glass of water.  All I could think of was I needed that water to dump on my lap so everyone would think I had spilled water on myself instead of what I actually had done.  As he was walking away I yelled, "alot of ice please!".  What?  Did I actually say that?  Why would I say.  Oh yeah, because if I was really going to drink it I would have a lot of ice.  This is how I drink all my drinks but I wasn't going to drink this one.  What an IDIOT!

So, like a good husband, Jim brings me a glass of ICE cold water.  Now what?  My brain kept telling me that I had to follow through with my plan.  There was no way I was going to leave with my dignity in tact if I didn't.  In reflection I now see that my hormonal crazy pregnant brain was taking over all my actions.  I now see that I should of just said something and gone straight to the hospital.  But, I didn't.  I kept moving around, peeing more on myself, just so I could find the right time to dump this water in my lap.  I finally did it.  Then I made a big deal about it so everyone would notice that I had done it.  We all chuckled a bit and the night continued.  No one the wiser.  Then I started thinking that I hadn't done it enough (crazy pregnant brain in over drive again) so I dumped the rest of the glass in my lap.  Now I was soak AND freezing from all the ice water.  Again I say, What an IDIOT!

I then motioned from Jim to come over to me.  I said that we needed to leave.  I was soaked and uncomfortable.  I asked Michelle for a towel to sit on in the truck.  I didn't want to soak Jim's truck seat.  Being that Michelle didn't know exactly how soaked I was she brought me a hand towel which of course was not big enough.  All I had to do was tell her I needed a bigger one but I didn't want her to know exactly what was happening so I thanked her and asked Jim to help me up.  He reached out with both hands and pulled me up.  Doing this applied pressure to my stomach and out came more "pee" and it maybe loud gushing noise that even Jim heard.  His eyes got huge!  He asked if I was OK and I told him that I was.  I just wanted to get home and into dry clothes.  So he helped me into the truck.  There was so much "pee" all over me that I dripped all the way to the truck!

At this point I should have known something was wrong but I could not let myself believe that it was actually happening.  I was still telling myself that I was still only peeing.  What an IDIOT!

I cried almost the whole way home.  I don't know if it was from embarrasment or that I was just plain scared.  Either way I was upset.  Poor Jim!  He didn't know whether to feel sorry for me or to be scared with me but he was great.  He wanted to take me straight to the hospital but I insisted he take me home so that I could change clothes.  I was still convinced that it was only pee.  He was convinced that my water had broke. 

WHAT!?!  My water broke?

That never crossed my mind.   This couldn't be happening.  I couldn't be having her now.  It wasn't time.   We weren't ready.  What would it mean for Rylee that my water broke!  Now I am scared!!!

Jim took me home.  I changed into dry clothes and peed all in those too.  So I jumped on the Jim train.  I needed to go to the hospital and I needed to go now.  I put on more clother, that I soiled as well, and we were back in the truck.  Once we arrived at the hospital I waddled my wet butt inside and told them that I thought something might be wrong.  I told them that I kept peeing on myself and I wasn't sure why.  I am sure they thought, What and IDIOT!  (ha!)

So they brought out the wheelchair and wheeled me over to the labor and delivery floor.  I got hooked up to all kinds of monitors, starte an IV and tucked me into bed.  After the sonogram showed that I had lost almost all of the amniotic fluid (it was official, I was an idiot) I was told that I would be in the hospital until Rylee's arrival.  I was given steriods to help Rylee's development and meds to try and keep me from delivering.  I was told that it would be ideal if I could hold out until 38 weeks but 31 weeks would be alright too.

So now a waiting game.  And waiting we did.  What seemed liked an eternity was really only 11 days.  I held her in for 11 days. Now the "fun" would begin.  I was going to be able to see the angel that I had been waiting for for 8 years.  The baby I had been dreaming about would be here soon; only she would be in a different package...